Sex jokes

Gwen pegs Xavier.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?

Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

Why do orphans become hookers?

They can call someone daddy.

Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

Oil and Ass.

Big Phat Wet Ass Orgy 2.

Bubble Butt Bonanza 2.

Big Bubble-Butt Cheerleaders 2.

Big Wet Butts 5.

There Will Be Cum 9.

Mandingo Rocks That Ass.

Big Butts Like It Big 2.

Blowjob Ninjas 5.

Keep It Right There 2.

Big Wet Brazilian Asses! 6

Consent before sex is a joke. It's just politically correct feminazi propaganda.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?

Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.