Security jokes
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the π love of your life!π
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!π
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
Keep yourself safe!
Why don't orphans have Life360?
Because parents won't track them.
CIA: Where's your head at?
JFK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
What is Forrest Gump's password?
1forest1
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
Does anyone know what's going on with all the creeps that joined and restart your school laptop to get everything unblocked?
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project Π±Π»ΡΡΡ, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Why do hackers in Africa have hard times dealing with firewalls?
They don't have water.
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*