Security jokes

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?

“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

How do you enter your house?

Through Bill Gates!

Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.

To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.

Does anyone know what's going on with all the creeps that joined and restart your school laptop to get everything unblocked?

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.

ENTER PASSWORD.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

RESET PASSWORD.

NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.

Sets fire to computer.

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

Why do hackers in Africa have hard times dealing with firewalls?

They don't have water.

What do you call security outside a Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked.

Now it’s $3.99.