Science jokes

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?

How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He read the weather forecast, you fucking idiot!

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?

Random person: I don't know.

No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!

Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.

What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)

I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.

I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.

How do skeletons talk to each other? By the telebone.

Why do we name hurricanes?

To keep an eye on them.

What does a doctor do to make you better?

Helium.

Can't wait for Stephen Hawking's next update.

Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?

Don’t worry, he didn’t either.

Why did Stephen Hawking cross the road?

Oh wait, he didn't.

Stairs.

Stephen Hawking can't stand stairs.

The earth was once flat... until they buried your mom.

God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.

You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.

Hey girl, are you a scientist?

Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.

What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?

Panera Sed!