Science jokes

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?

Battery acid.

How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He read the weather forecast, you fucking idiot!

Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?

Random person: I don't know.

No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!

Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)

Your hairline is so far back, scientists consider it a ninth planet.

Why should you never trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?

Panera Sed!

I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.

The earth was once flat... until they buried your mom.

Hey girl, are you a scientist?

Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.

So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"

The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.

Why is NASA so sus?

'Cause they wanted to see Uranus.

Uranus is pronounced "ur anus."

Why is the ocean blue?

A: Because the fish go, "blu-blu."

Why did NASA have to go to space? Because space is lonely.

Is George gay...? Stephen Hawking approves.