Saw Jokes

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

Anonymous
in Orphan

I saw a kid crying and i asked him where his parents were... Man i love working at a Orphanige

Anonymous
in Titanic

Why did the titanic sink because he saw a iceberg selling candy

Misstiano Penaldo
in Penaldo

I was studying in Turin and my professor told me I had to use PENS only. I looked in my bag for pens and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you Penaldo!

Anonymous

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

smartass

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that's why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." . Says that little boy: "But mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!"

Depression

I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone

Anonymous
in Bear

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

J0K35
in Depression

A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid

Man: Hang in there! Im gonna get some help!

Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said

RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)

Daniel commited suicide five years ago today......

Danial D
in Ukraine

I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.

#urmom
in Orphan

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying, I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage.

Anonymous
in Puns

Why was the chef embarrassed. He saw the salad dressing.

Michael
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it a genie came out and said "You have 10 seconds to have one wish". Little Johny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink she says, "We should have this every night!". Little Johny gets two cups every night one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives on himself and his sister asks, "Wheres my cup?". little Johny replied, "Your drinking out of the bottle tonight".

Anonymous
in Star Wars

What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister? You better not Leia finger on her!

JustSomeDude4216

yesterday i saw a "womans rights" book in the library so i put it in the fiction section and got kicked out

Anonymous

I saw some twins so I threw a paper plane at them.

a

What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight............do you think he saw us

I_Is_Cow
in Little Johnny

A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.'' “I still don't get it” responded the Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

Addison

Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion". The first guy came back with 10 apples and by the second one he started to grunt so he was killed and eaten. The second one came back with cherries and when he went to put the 10th one in he started to laugh so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven and the first guy said" dude you were so close what happened?" The second one said" I would have made it but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!"😝😝🤣🤣

Anonysus
in Freedom

i saw a cuban prisoner i asked why are you running from the cops he said IM FREE AT LAST.