Saw Jokes

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day, tell you what, they saw me coming.

I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him wheres your mom and he cried. Why?

i saw a cuban prisoner i asked why are you running from the cops he said IM FREE AT LAST.

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady she asked which kid is mine and I responded I haven't decided yet

I was studying in Turin and my professor told me I had to use PENS only. I looked in my bag for pens and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you Penaldo!

I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I ask, "where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage:)

My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away." the next time my Aunt visited she said "Where is you daughter?" my Mom said "I took your advice"

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says “what’s the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks? “ The man says “it’s not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place.”

So the other day i saw a child in a wheelchair

he was getting bullied alot so i came up

And said why dont you stand up to those bullies

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with "what do you mean I already did it" then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said "Aww it pays to be lazy!"

Why was the chef embarrassed. He saw the salad dressing.

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up. It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying, I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage.

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.