Santa jokes
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.