Said jokes

The plane said to the tower, "You're so cute, I want to come crashing into your arms!"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."

Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.

McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.

Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"

This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

"Never going to give you up." That's not what the orphan's parents said.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.