Said jokes

Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.

I said to the fish, "I have dam."

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.

An orphan went on a game show.

The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."

A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"

I saw a little boy begging for money.

I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents!"

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."

My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.

One volcano said, "Is that you, Qs? I am hot."