Said jokes

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."

Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

The plane said to the tower, "You're so cute, I want to come crashing into your arms!"

Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.

McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

I said to the fish, "I have dam."

Erin like TJ, but his tapeline said no.

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

You caught a Penaldo!

Description: Penaldo, the finished statpadder. It is said that Penaldo drains the energy of its teammates and sells underwears.

Type: Ghost type.

Moves: Dive

Disappear in big games

Cry for pens

Statpad vs farmers

Sells underwear

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.