Said jokes

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"

The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."

In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"

His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."

Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."

"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."

Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"

Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."

Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.

Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.

Silence...................punch!

Yo chin is so bumpy, someone said, "Is that Mt. Everest?"

A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.

Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.

I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

Guy 1: "Stop looking at my ass!" Guy 2: "I said look at Uranus." Guy 1: "I'm looking at uranus!" Guy 2: "I said Uranus like the planet!" Guy 1: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

The parents used to hit him.

His parents got into a car crash and died.

He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."

I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.