A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked "Dad, what are you wearing?". The father would answer with "A costume for Halloween.". the child asked "can i join?". He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
I usually don’t make school shooting jokes. Because they’re aimed at a younger audience
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire HOTWHEELS
What’s the difference between a child and someone who been kidnapped?? One of them is a domesticated pet
Apparently I'm not aloud home house fires, but the neighbours their house burnt lovely
I don't understand why when I went to the shooting range today the police came, like bro I always go to elementary schools
you dont need a parachute to go skydiving you only need a parachute to go skydifing twice
what is it called when someone is in a wheel chair and in a fire?
(hot wheels...)
What do Micheal Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children
have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- he robbed children of their innocence
Someone threatened to break into my house but I am in a wheelchair, I said sure and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
Teachers: when ever there’s a school shooting hide under the desk Students: hiding under desk Shooter: Well no ones in here
Wen you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be? In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike. Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would out and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle. It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van! It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come. We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! ̈Hey they want to party with us! ̈Timmy yelled over the whooping. ̈Party van! ̈I yelled. Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said ̈P O L I C E” on the side. We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. ̈Isn’t that right mommy? ̈
i gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer
