Yesterday during The storm there was a blackout, so I shot him
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan? Nothing no one cares how much Lead is in the kids
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, Put on your helmet cause you're about to miss the short bus.
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
Why did the chicken cro-
UM ACTUALLY THE CHICKEN CANT CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS ITS UNER SOME ROOSTER IR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN AND THEY WILL DIE.🤓
Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
Husband: Dammit alice! I'm your husband and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you! Wife: Go to hell Bob! I'm Leaving! Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
What is the day parents stooped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
Health and safety tips: looking at your hairline is hazardous, for your best interest please look away.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair
RCXD
