Safety jokes

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.

All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”

Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.

Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."

Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."

*Operator hears a distant gunshot*

Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"

What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?

One baby in 10 trucks.

What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?

Bullets.

The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃

What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?

Call 911.

Why did the old man fall down a well?

He couldn't see that well.

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?

I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It wasn't in its car seat.

Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.