Safety jokes
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?
Bullets.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Memes
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 was a registered sex offender.