Safety jokes
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?
Bullets.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
Memes
Man I hate it when companies do this crap, now you can't commit toaster bath anymore
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
Why can’t the baby cross the road?
Walls.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 was a registered sex offender.