Safety jokes
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?
Bullets.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 was a registered sex offender.