Safety jokes

Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.

Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."

Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."

*Operator hears a distant gunshot*

Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"

What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?

One baby in 10 trucks.

What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?

Bullets.

The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

Why did the old man fall down a well?

He couldn't see that well.

Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃

What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?

Call 911.

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?

What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?

The tornado siren doesn't get raped.

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It wasn't in its car seat.

Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!