I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
Why can orphans never be kidnapped? No-one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up"
whats yellow and cant swim
a school bus full with children
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes
Q.What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote " don't be dumb make sure they're numb and always use a condom!"
What do you think is going through kids heads during school shootings. Bullets
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- he robbed children of their innocence
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
what did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? Safe life repair, safe life replace!
I don't understand why when I went to the shooting range today the police came, like bro I always go to elementary schools
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it
whats the differnece between a baby and a trampoline. the trampoline doesnt cave in when i jump on it
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
I usually don’t make school shooting jokes. Because they’re aimed at a younger audience
When you go over a speed bump but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
