Safety jokes
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?
Special Forces incoming!
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!