Safety Jokes

Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom "bullets" we don't talk about this anymore

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun does off in its mouth

Are you a fire alarm because your loud and annoying

Q. What’s a good thing about a child molesters A. They drive slow through school zones

Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.

gun control....

Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.

As tragic as school shootings are - it's also a quick way to a late term abortion

Why boys feel safe at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch? Ronald McDonald's don't put his meat between boy's buns

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

Pro tip: how to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make you child hold the nail.

me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls of of a cliff uses water bucket trick ) dies

Teachers: when ever there’s a school shooting hide under the desk Students: hiding under desk Shooter: Well no ones in here

What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road? A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.

what is it called when someone is in a wheel chair and in a fire?

(hot wheels...)

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage

Priest: How the hell did that fire start Rabbi: I don't know but what about the children? Priest: Fuck the children Rabbi: Do we have time? Priest: There's always time for something like that.

Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.