Safety jokes
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
Stop hating on pedos; at least they drive slow in a school zone, smh 🤣
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
Memes
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?
Because Chernobyl fallout.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
Were you born on a highway? Because most accidents happen on the highway.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?
Optimistic.