Safety jokes
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color? A: Blue stop signs.
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
It is not funny about kidnapping.
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
What problems might a blind child run into?
A wall.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
"Why don't skeletons go skydiving?"
"Because they don't have the guts... or the parachute!"
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.