I usually don’t make school shooting jokes. Because they’re aimed at a younger audience
When you go over a speed bump but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? stopping it with a cricket bat
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike. Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would out and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle. It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
I like my women like I like my traction control disabled.
I never do dark jokes but when i feel like it, i prefer orphan jokes, cos theyre the safest option. I mean what are they gonna do, call their parents?
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist
When is a rapist safe around children? When his plans are oven ready
So a women was paranoid so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed and if the dog licked her hand then she was safe.One night just before bed she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick so she went to bed. She in the middle of the night needed to go to the bathroom. So she walked into the bathroom and on the window it said: HUMANS CAN LICK TOO! Then she was murdered.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What do you do when a woman is choking? Back up a couple inches
Those rape alarms give you a headache don't they?
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant. So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
What do Micheal Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children
Me: dozes off while driving. everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
you dont need a parachute to go skydiving you only need a parachute to go skydifing twice
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
