Safety jokes
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Stop hating on pedos; at least they drive slow in a school zone, smh 🤣
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?
Because Chernobyl fallout.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.