Safety

Safety Jokes

Police

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

Door

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

Shooting Range

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

Grim Reaper

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

Trampoline

what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.

Car crash

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

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  • Speed Bump

    When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.

    Orphan

    I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

    Sexual Assault

    A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.

    "You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."

    Baby

    What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

    Wine

    I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

    Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

    It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

    Orphan

    Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.