Safety jokes
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?
A: Stop looking, I’m changing!
What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!