A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked "Dad, what are you wearing?". The father would answer with "A costume for Halloween.". the child asked "can i join?". He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road? A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Pro tip: how to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make you child hold the nail.
Teachers: when ever there’s a school shooting hide under the desk Students: hiding under desk Shooter: Well no ones in here
me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls of of a cliff uses water bucket trick ) dies
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage
Priest: How the hell did that fire start Rabbi: I don't know but what about the children? Priest: Fuck the children Rabbi: Do we have time? Priest: There's always time for something like that.
what is it called when someone is in a wheel chair and in a fire?
(hot wheels...)
Why did the chicken cro-
UM ACTUALLY THE CHICKEN CANT CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS ITS UNER SOME ROOSTER IR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN AND THEY WILL DIE.🤓
Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
Q: What did I find on my son's search history. A:Where is the nearest gun shop.
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size
I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings ? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair
RCXD
keep yourself safe!
Apparently I'm not aloud home house fires, but the neighbours their house burnt lovely
I was riding a bike with no helmet I went and went with no helmet until.............I broke my head with no helmet on
