Safety

Safety jokes

Burrito

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

Woman

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

Bomb

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

Pedo

What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.

Memes

Hospital

What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.

Airport

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

Kid

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Cat

You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.

Baby

What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

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  • Hamster

    What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

    Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

    Man

    A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

    The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

    The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"

    Parent

    Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

    Rapist

    90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.