Safety jokes
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Gun control...
Pedophiles are really stupid and need to leave this earth.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)
Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.