Safety jokes
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)
Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
Why did the blind man fall down a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
Why did the van cross the road?
To get to the school for the little kids.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
Dead people can’t cross the street because they're dead, ha ha!
Q: Why did Sally survive the car accident?
A: She hit an ambulance.