We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
Dead people can’t cross the street because they're dead, ha ha!
Q: Why did Sally survive the car accident?
A: She hit an ambulance.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
Where do pedophiles go hunting?
Elementary schools.
Why did the blonde run outside naked?
She thought the steam was a gas leak.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
