Reproduction jokes
Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Why do orphans enjoy orgasms?
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office? Only one of them is scared.
What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.
Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
What do you call a midget born from precum?
"Half Nut!"
Why do cows have babies?
They moo-ved together.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.