Reproduction Jokes

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.

Why can’t Santa have kids?

He only cums once a year.

NIGGAAA

A close-up of a dog's face with the text "We carry kids in our nuts our whole life, y'all do it 9 months. Don't compare us."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.

What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?

Nothing, they both stain.

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

What do you call a bird orgy?

No bird control.

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

What's black, white, and red all over? The interracial abortion.

What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?

Her Miscarriage.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.

Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"