Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey? A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Who's better, Hitler or Jesus?
Hitler: Jesus made bread for 1000 whereas Hitler made meat for 10,000. 😅😅😅😅 (no offense)
(To circumcised people)
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
If Satan is the devil, he's pretty sus.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
