Religion jokes
Jesus has had all the time in the world and all the power in the world to do whatever he wanted.
Guess what he has to show for nothing, but putting us in hell!
Being an absolute waste breathe of life, and of power!
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
That’s why the nickname for your hairline is the Red Sea.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
I’m a god, and I’m here to flex on you bitches. My flight to New York on September 11th was rocky, but I lived.
Imagine dying on a plane, fr. At least try and respawn:/
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.
The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!
Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.
Lol, Surprise!
Joke being on them.
As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.
Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!
HELL!
P.S. With a little extra punishments!
Bob: Siri, call 666!
*dialing noises*
Bob: Hello?
Bob's dad: Hi!
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What is Jesus' favorite band?
Nine Inch Nails.