Religion jokes
YOOO, does anyone need an ark? I know a guy!
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
Bick: Jesus isn't real.
Ron: Yes, He is.
Bick: Prove it, bitch.
Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.
Bick: Wh-?
Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!
The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.
Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.
Bick: Told you Jesus was real.
Satan: Get to work, slaves.
Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
Shia Mehdi unlived by beard guy looooool 🤨
What do you call a gay priest? Hahahahahaha!
The orphans all died!!!
Oh wait, no one cares...
Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?
Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?
So there’s more for the priest.
When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...
But they know you're blind.
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"