Religion jokes
The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!
Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.
Lol, Surprise!
Joke being on them.
As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.
Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!
HELL!
P.S. With a little extra punishments!
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
How does Jesus make tea? Hebrews it.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
I told her roses are red, violets are blue. God made me pretty, what the hell happened to you! MF😅🤣😂
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.