Religion jokes
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?
CrossFit.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.