Religion jokes
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
What happens at the orphanage be like:
The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Why is a nun called a nun?
'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both want Anthony's neck.
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
We have life. I hope we have life. We have God in Jesus Christ. This is a good thing. It is a song part.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16