Religion jokes
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?
CrossFit.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke