Religion jokes
A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
What was Jesus's favorite food?
Answer: Snails
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
Why did Spencer eat cheese?
Because he was Jewish.
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
Why did Technoblade die?
Because God wished him dead for all the orphans he made fun of.