Religion jokes
What's the difference between the Christ and Anti-Christ? The Romans put sugar syrup on the second one.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.
What did the terrorist say to the 72 virgins?
"Just so you know, 5 inches is REALLY big!"
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
A gay couple actually goes to heaven. Turns out Jesus was a hypocrite.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
No... He got nailed! 😅
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."