Religion jokes
Allahu Akbar.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
What do you call a bunch of Muslims in a bath?
A bath bomb.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her hahaha 🤣
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."