Religion jokes
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.
"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?
Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.
🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷
What do you call a priest that is a furry?
A Catholic.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
What is another name 🤔 for Holy water 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 🚽 toilet water.
"Thank God there are no of these ahahha ya thank God to pranks."
"Oh I forgot a dance 🕺 😅 joke is good ok for kids."
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.