Religion Jokes

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

What's the difference between acne and the Pope?

Acne waits till you're 13 to cum on your face.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

They say Jesus walked on water.

That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.

Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?

Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...

If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture.

Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?

My friend: What?

Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)