Religion jokes

There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?

A: They've dealt with a burning bush.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

Devil: Hey angel.

Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?

Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?

Angel: What?

Devil: Angelpinos!

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?

CrossFit.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?

What did one God say to the other?

"I will die to be a man."

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

Why does Saturn have a ring?

Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.