Religion

Religion jokes

Jesus

    • Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?

    Priest: Why?

    Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.

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    • Priest

    • One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.

    When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.

    Serves him right.

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    • Religion memes

    Priest

    • Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

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    • Nun

    • What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

    One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.

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    • Priest

    • What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds? They are all locked in the Priest's basement.

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    • Restaurant

    • Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

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    • Jew

    • How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

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    • Priest

    • Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?

    A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.

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