Religion jokes
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
What has 15 arms, 9 legs, 8 heads, and 12 eyeballs?
A mosque after a missile strike.
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
It wasn't Islam that radicalized the terrorists who did 9/11.
Jenga comes to mind, though!
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Nah, he got nailed...
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.