Religion jokes
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
Yo mama so fat, she fell off the judgement room and broke the 7 layers of hell.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he could call someone Father.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jesus.
Jesus who?
Jesus Christ, open the door!
"Thank God there are no of these ahahha ya thank God to pranks."
"Oh I forgot a dance 🕺 😅 joke is good ok for kids."
In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.
One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
Is that a person over there?
Na, it's Jesus.
Is that my student?
Na! It is Jesus!
Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.