What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
The only difference between you and Jesus, is that jesus believed in himself.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
Hello, this is Godlygirl26. I want to help people with their problems no matter what. There is nothing that God cannot do. I want y'all to know that God is with you, not any of those stone or wood "gods" but a true, loving, powerful God. DM this right here and I will answer. Hope I can help you! Love, Godlygirl26.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.
