Religion jokes

You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?

You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

Stephen Hawking said there is no god.

God said there is no Stephen Hawking.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So that they had someone to call father.

What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣

It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!

Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?

Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he could call someone Father.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

What do you call a Christian Asian?

Hao Li.

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

What God do rats worship?

Cheesus.

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

"A llahu Aks into a bar..."

And it blows up!

Yo mama so fat, she fell off the judgement room and broke the 7 layers of hell.

What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

What do you call a nun on a bike?

Virgin Mobile.