Religion jokes
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Yo mama so fat, she fell off the judgement room and broke the 7 layers of hell.
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?
Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he could call someone Father.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
Jesus was drinking when he made you.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?
So he could be called Father Les.
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"