Religion jokes
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
"A llahu Aks into a bar..."
And it blows up!
What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣
Why did the orphan go to church?
So that they had someone to call father.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"
Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?
So he could be called Father Les.
Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.