Religion jokes

Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.

Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?

So he could be called Father Les.

Is that a person over there?

Na, it's Jesus.

Is that my student?

Na! It is Jesus!

What do Jesus and I have in common?

No one knows my real bday either.

God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.

What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.

It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

Stephen Hawking said there is no god.

God said there is no Stephen Hawking.

What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣

Why did the orphan go to church?

So that they had someone to call father.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like an altar boy.

Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.

Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?

A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.

A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.

I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?

Alien vs. Predator.

What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?

A black woman dressed for church.