Religion jokes

Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"

Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"

God says, "You are what you are."

Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he could call someone Father.

They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.

Jesus was drinking when he made you.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

What do you call a Christian Asian?

Hao Li.

A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

What do Jesus and I have in common?

No one knows my real bday either.

What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.

God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.

Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?

Boy's pants are half off.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Jesus.

Jesus who?

Jesus Christ, open the door!

Is that my student?

Na! It is Jesus!

Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?

Search up biblically accurate angels.

In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.

One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post

Is that a person over there?

Na, it's Jesus.

Yo mama so old.

Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!