Religion jokes
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.
Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You can hang the picture with one nail.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.