Relationship jokes

Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?

Why is it that skinny men like fat women?

Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.

Roses are red,

Potatoes are brown,

Your mom's so hot,

I put her down.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.

I want my first time to be special.

I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.

Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

A: “Holes gonna be big.”

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."