Relationship jokes

What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!

I want a relationship.

*Masturbates*

I don't want a relationship.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?

Sally.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

Why can’t orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.