Relationship jokes

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

What do you call a picture of an orphan?

A family portrait.

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.