if my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship i would never be able to play my phone
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
What's another name for an Incel? A feminist.
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
Roses are red, violets are blue, i'd rather be single then be with someone like you.
I heard you were looking for a stud... I already have the STD, all I need is u.
I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...
Gf: Hi.
Bf: Hi.
Gf: Did you eat yet?
Bf: Did you eat yet?
Gf: Are you copying me?
Bf: Are you coping me??
Gf: I love you.
Bf: Yeah, I ate already.
Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!
Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.
