Relationship jokes
Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.