Relationship jokes
The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.
Like if you don't have a dad.
Wife: Hi babe. Husband: Hey. Wife: Do you wanna? Husband: YES! Wife: Ok, make sure you have a towel to go to the beach. Husband: WHAT? You mean go to the beach? Wife: Yes, what did you think I meant? Husband: Oh, nothing, bye. Wife: Bye, see you there.
What do you call a gay friend?
Miguel Del Rosario Domingo.
God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
Why did my dad leave me? Because I was a disappointment.
I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"
I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"
SHAENAYA WANTS TO SUCK EVERYBOYS DICK BESIDES MINE CAUSE SHE A THIRSTY HOE.
Why did Johnny cry?
He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My penis.
My sister's boyfriend is mad because I fucked his girl.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!"
SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?"
HE: "I'm a butcher."
SHE: "We're through!"
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!