Relationship jokes

I have a trans friend.

He is in a polyamorous relationship and would be straight if they had a dick.

Prostitutes remind me of chewese.

Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.

If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.

What does your mum have in common with your dad?

They are both men.

All these females swear they loyal... but you can’t put loyalty on a hoe.

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.

What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?

Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.

What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?

They both hit me face down on the table.

His wife shut off the internet.

What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?

Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.

Max Alexander Heart is adopted.

Evan David Sandri is gay and he is adopted.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

Why did the pillow cross the road?

Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.

Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef!

A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.

The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!

Me: "You wanna see my dad?"

Some kid: "Yeah?"

Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."

Some kid: "He ain't appearing."

Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."

*The kid laughs*

Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃