Relationship jokes
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?
Repeat after me...
Me: "You have a weird style."
Mom: "You have a weird style."
Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
What do orphans call a selfie?
A family photo.
What did the stepbrother and stepsister do together?
Oof, mitosis!
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?
Tess: No!
Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!
Tess: Oh!
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...
Me:...