Relationship jokes
I fell in love with my teacher.
Which is weird because I am home schooled.
The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
America and UK are a joke.
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
Why was the kid sad?
He was adopted.
Where was your mom last night? In the man club?
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
Why can't an orphan be gay?
They have no one to call daddy.
Just a pickup line.
"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."
If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."