Relationship jokes

My girlfriend's last words:

"I can’t wait to become a mom!"

What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.

Her name was Lola.

She was a loner.

At the Copa.

Then I saw her,

And I got a boner.

The next morning,

She couldn't remember if I banged her.

How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?

They flip it over.

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?

They can't see each other anymore.

Wife is texting husband:

"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"

Husband: "seilghsielguG"

Wife: "Seriously, David?"

Husband: "fuweyadb"

My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!

Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

"I love you 😘" was the night you got a iiooooo.

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

*walks into sex shop*

Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.

Gwen pegs Xzavier.

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.