Relationship jokes

What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.

My dad left me.

Knock knock. Who's there? Jo. Jo who? Jo Auntie.

Mom

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

"Send me back, I never liked you."

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

Aaron, you glad I didn't make this joke?

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

Love? Is impossible.

What is you main food?

Me: Pizza cause I'm cheesy.

Friend: Chocolate chips cause I have a lot of friends.

Girlfriend: Donut cause I have a lot of cream.

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?

12 year old me: Yeah!

Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?

Me: What?

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.

Her pants were on fire.

I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"

She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”