Relationship jokes
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
What is the other word for an orphan?
Paren't.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
I love friends.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
Why was it wrong to throw my Chinese friend down the stairs?
Me, my brother, and my dad.
What is a threesome?
1 + 1 = 3
Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
What do you call an orphan at the dinner table?
Family dinner!
Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."
Tyler: "Why?"
Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."
Oh, sweetheart, you brighten me.
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."