Relationship jokes

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?

I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.

Son, you are not precious, so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you.

Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me?

Son, you're adopted!

Why do orphans hate p*rn hub?

They always see a stepdad and stepsis.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife? The first is easier to bury.

Want to do a titcock dance with me?

Trystan Leonard is going out with Katelynn O'Toole.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?

I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"