Relationship jokes

What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.

Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.

What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?

They both hit me face down on the table.

What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?

Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

What does your mum have in common with your dad?

They are both men.

His wife shut off the internet.

I love my family when they're buried alive.

Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.

Max Alexander Heart is adopted.

Evan David Sandri is gay and he is adopted.

Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef!

Why did the pillow cross the road?

Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.

I have a trans friend.

He is in a polyamorous relationship and would be straight if they had a dick.

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.

Hey girl, are you an orphan?

Oh, that’s right, I’m your daddy.

A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.

The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!