Relationship jokes

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.

Orphan: I don’t have parents.

I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.

Have you heard the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Great saying.

Not so great way to find out you are adopted.

What is a boyfriend?

How much cum does a gay guy have?

An ass loaded.

"I love you 😘" was the night you got a iiooooo.

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!

Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

What do you call skeletons having sex?

When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.

Why was the kid sad?

He was adopted.

I don't want to date an alien.

There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.

She really hates it when I spit my food back out.

If I adopt a child, is it mine?

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😳

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."

What's the difference between you and your mom?

I slept with your mom.

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I mist you!

Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?