Relationship jokes

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

POV: Your mum is a bomber.

You're more uglier.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?

Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.

Mom: I made you.

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

"Alex! We need to talk! Now!"

Who wants to be my boyfriend?