Relationship jokes

Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.

I bet you like men!

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

If an orphan takes a selfie, it is a family photo.

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?

One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!

Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?

I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.

"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."

Today, I asked my phone "Siri" why am I still single, and it activated the front camera.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!