Relationship jokes

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My Asian girlfriend has a weird name. As I gave her anal, she was yelling "I'm too young."

I need a lovely lady to spoil. I have a big dick and a very clean house. Add me now.

Snapchat: @colin_green21

Dear uncle, I want my condoms.

Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂

Roses are red, clovers are green.

I love your legs and what's in between. LOL

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!

Family are together playing charades.

Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

Freshfry, are you there? I really want to talk to you!

Love, Gwen.

Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.

Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."

You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!