Relationship jokes
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.
Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why are all lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
Why don't orphans get dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.