Relationship jokes
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.