Relationship jokes

My sister is so short she can't walk.

Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?

Ur adopted.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Why woman?

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To find their way to the store to see their dad.

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!

What does an orphan call a family photo?

A selfie.

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"