Relationship jokes

Me: *watching TV*

Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

Me: Really?

Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

Hey, this is to orphans:

"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Your Boyfriend.

Your Boyfriend who?

Your Boyfriend who doesn’t love you! Bye!

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.

Mom: I made you.

"Alex! We need to talk! Now!"

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.