Relationship jokes

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

Why do orphans play tennis?

So they can finally get love.

You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?

When it leaves you and never comes back.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

So they could finally call someone "daddy."

I am Mario's brother.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.

"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."

What do orphans call a family picture?

A selfy.

What do you call gay parents?

Poly.