Relationship jokes

A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.

Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?

Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.

Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?

Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.

Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

Incest.

When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.

You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?

My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

Rhydon- son.

Rhydon? - mum.

RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.

Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.

XD

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

I love friends.

I only have sex with suicidal bitches because that pussy [is] limited edition.

Why did your parents abandon you?

Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."

Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"

Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."

What is the other word for an orphan?

Paren't.