Relationship jokes

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

Kylin fucks his sister.

Kylin likes to eat Violet's ass.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

Why are life and a penis alike?

Women make both of them hard.

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?

A finger-gun👉👌

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.