Relationship jokes
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
Kylin fucks his sister.
Kylin likes to eat Violet's ass.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
Memes
gordan ramsey
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
Me and the boys are cool.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their way to the store to see their dad.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!
P.S., it's Jake.
Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?
A family portrait/A selfie.