Relationship jokes
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.
Wanna play dolls?
I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.