Relationship jokes
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
Memes
ky you def like her
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.