Relationship jokes
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
If an orphan takes a selfie, it is a family photo.
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
I got a sister.
That was a big mistake.
Oh, ate the cheese? Urmom.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Urmom.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
What does an orphan call a family picture?
"A selfie."
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "Daddy."
Mom: Let's have an adoption party!
Kid: *cries*
Mom: What's wrong?
Kid: I'M ADOPTED????
Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.
Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
He: "I love you."
Me: "I love myself too."
I sit because I can't stand you.
Q: What is found deep inside of us, and the more we express our love for each other the more it spreads throughout the world?
A: Covid.