Relationship jokes
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."
People love you.
Don't die.
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
Are you George Floyd?
'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!
Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.
What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
Why was it wrong to throw my Chinese friend down the stairs?