Relationship jokes
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Memes
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Kid: Which were me, are your parents?
Orphan: What are parents?
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...