Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
Relationship Jokes
My sister is so short she can't walk.
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!
P.S., it's Jake.
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"
When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
Me: I need a good roast.
My friend: Take me!
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
Are there support groups for men?
Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
What does an orphan call a family picture?
"A selfie."
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
Mom: Let's have an adoption party!
Kid: *cries*
Mom: What's wrong?
Kid: I'M ADOPTED????
What company do orphans hate the most?
S. C. Johnson, a family company.
