Relationship jokes

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....

Good thing my brother's a little bit different.

How do skyscrapers make friends?

They reach out.

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

The best and worst part about being bi:

Best: Double the love, double the fun.

Worst: Double the love, double the loneliness.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.

That's why he married Courtney Love.

Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.

What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?

Can't elope.

What do you call Holly and Elenji?

A couple.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

Girls: Boys are like games, they're meant to get played.

Boys: Girls are like stones, the flat ones get skipped.

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."