Relationship jokes
"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis? A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
Wade likes Luiz!
Why do orphans love chips?
Because they're all family sized.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Miss Stephen likes sex like she likes kids.
On a desk in pure isolation.
"Watersharky, we need a little talking..."
I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
I don't want to date an alien.
Hey, what do you call a beta simp?
You call me the beta simp.
What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?
A finger-gun👉👌
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Momma?
Momma who?
Big Momma!