Relationship jokes

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

Why did the skeleton not go to prom?

Because he had no body to go with.

What's the difference between sex and gender?

You can't have gender with your sister.

Me: You have terrible jokes.

Mum: Shows me a mirror.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?