Relationship jokes

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?

None, both carpet munchers eat out.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

Girls: Boys are like games, they're meant to get played.

Boys: Girls are like stones, the flat ones get skipped.

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!

"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"