Relationship jokes

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

Ur adopted.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To find their way to the store to see their dad.

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!