Relationship jokes
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed."
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.