Relationship jokes

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?

A finger-gun👉👌

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?

None, both carpet munchers eat out.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Why are life and a penis alike?

Women make both of them hard.