Relationship jokes

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

Why did the skeleton not go to prom?

Because he had no body to go with.

What's the difference between sex and gender?

You can't have gender with your sister.

Me: You have terrible jokes.

Mum: Shows me a mirror.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.