Relationship jokes
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
when she says its her first time by u feel the presence of the past dihs inside her
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
I met a gay guy last night.
Man, was he a pain in the ass.
Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
Jack: Hey Josh!
Josh: What?
Jack: Sex!
Josh: Huh?
Jack: SEX!!
Josh: I don't get it.
Jack: Exactly ;)
What do you call an orphan’s picture?
A family photo.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
The best quote by Kim Jong Un:
"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"