Relationship jokes
What did the man's dick say to the man?
I just can't "hand"le it!
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
I like your mom naked.
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Me: Hey, I’m your mom.
Orphan: Yay, you came back!
Me: Sike!
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.