Relationship jokes

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

My name says it all.

You know the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"?

Great phrase, bad way to find out you're adopted!

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.

"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope...

I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?

In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣

What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?

(Your imagination.)

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.

How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.

What's the definition of rude?

Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.