Relationship jokes
You're more uglier.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
Memes
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.
Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!
P.S., it's Jake.
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"
I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
My sister is so short she can't walk.
Ur adopted.
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?
A family portrait/A selfie.