Relationship jokes
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.
Is that a mirror in your pocket?
'Cause I can see myself in your pants.
"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.
My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.
That's a big word for a 6 year old!
My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.
I like strippers on me.
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
My ex.
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.