Relationship jokes

My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.

That's a big word for a 6 year old!

What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?

One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.

Life is like a penis.

Women make it hard.

He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.

Why can't orphans open a family business?

Because there is no family.

Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?

Once they're gone, they never come back.

Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call DADDY! 😩

You guys wanna hear a joke?

My LOVE LIFE.

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"