Relationship jokes
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.
Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.
What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Your mom.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Me: "Cya"
Mom: "Where ya going?"
Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."
Mum: ...
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.
I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.
I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."