Relationship jokes

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

Why woman?

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.

Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!

Dad: Johnny, Johnny?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Getting women?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Telling lies?

Johnny: No, Papa.

Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

What relationship status fits an orphan?

Single.

What do you call a dad without a dad joke?

Dead.

POV: Your mum is a bomber.

Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?

Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"