Relationship jokes

Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

Why are uncles like curries?

Because bad ones hurt your asshole.

"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

Everybody add @christianisni22 on Snap!

He's a hot babe and he's single.

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

Your mom.

What do you call a selfie that an orphan takes?

A family picture.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

His gay ass dad.

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!