Relationship jokes

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.

I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.

How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus.

What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?

One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"

Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.