Relationship jokes
What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.