Relationship jokes

Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.

What do you call lesbian twins?

Lick-A-Likes.

Okay Air Attack Productions... Beat This-Falling-By watersharky Productions and TD.

My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, Talk to me, I need to hear you need me like I need ya, Fall for me, I wanna know you feel how I feel for you, love, Before you, baby, I was numb, drowned out pain by pouring up, Speeding fast on the run, never want to get caught up, Now you the one that I'm calling, Swore that I'd never fall again, don't think I'm just talking, I think I might go all in, no exceptions, girl, I need ya, Think I'm out of my mind, 'cause I can't get enough, Only one that I give my time, 'cause I got eyes for ya, Might make an exception for ya, 'cause I been feeling ya, Think I might be out of my mind, I think that you're the one, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, I'll never give my all again, 'Cause I'm sick of falling down, When I open up and give my trust, They find a way to break it down, Tear me up inside, and you break me down.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!

Gina: Ha! YOU HAVE NOTHING!

Orphan: Yes I do.

Gina: What do you have then?

Orphan: Parents.

Gina: LIAR!

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

Me: I need a good roast.

My friend: Take me!

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

You're not my dad.

I love you, my new phone! 📲

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

I hate my wife.

*cue laugh*

Why are women like hurricanes?

They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.