Relationship jokes

I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.

What's the most between my uncle and aunt?

My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.

My girlfriend passed away recently.

At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.

Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.

So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.

But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f

... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could suck Jill’s candy.

Jack got a shock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

Why don’t orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"

She pulls out a knife and fork.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile.

And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"

I like my women like I like my scotch:

12 years old and mixed with coke.

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

You guys wanna hear a joke?

My LOVE LIFE.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.