Relationship jokes

Is that a mirror in your pocket?

'Cause I can see myself in your pants.

What’s the difference between rape and marriage?

With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

Why do gay men want to eat each other's meat because meat is meat, and man has to eat meat?

What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?

One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.

Life is like a penis.

Women make it hard.

POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.

A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"

My ex.

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.

Who did the bee 🐝 marry?

Her honey!

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"

Why could the orphan never be gay?

Because he had nobody to call "daddy."