Relationship jokes

Why do orphans play tennis?

So they can finally get love.

You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?

When it leaves you and never comes back.

"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."

I am Mario's brother.

Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"

Brayden: "Hey!"

*Music roles around*

*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*

Brayden: "O_O"

Hailey: *Hides*

So sad </3 xD

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!

"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

His gay ass dad.

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

So they could finally call someone "daddy."

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.

What do orphans call a family picture?

A selfy.

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.