Relationship jokes

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?

Me time.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"