Relationship jokes

"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?

From the mace.

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?

Answer: a Carnivwhore.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.