Relationship jokes

Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?

From the mace.

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!

What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?

Answer: a Carnivwhore.

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.

Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?

Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.

Man: Shit!

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.

How can you tell your best friend is gay?

His meat tastes like shit.

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?

Me time.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."