Relationship jokes

A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.

A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?

Once they're gone, they never come back.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.

Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.

Why can't orphans open a family business?

Because there is no family.

Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call DADDY! 😩

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

You guys wanna hear a joke?

My LOVE LIFE.

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.

What’s the difference between rape and marriage?

With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.

"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."

What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

Women can't take a joke!

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.