Relationship Jokes

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.

"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."

What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

Women can't take a joke!

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

When he figures out your 12:

Is that a mirror in your pocket?

'Cause I can see myself in your pants.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

I like my women like I like my scotch:

12 years old and mixed with coke.

What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.