Relationship jokes

Jimmy: Your mom is gay.

Me: No, you.

Jimmy: I have no mom.

Roses are red, lemons are sour.

Open your legs and give me an hour.

These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"

The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"

I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.

My girlfriend passed away recently.

At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.

Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.

What's the most between my uncle and aunt?

My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could suck Jill’s candy.

Jack got a shock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

Why don’t orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"

She pulls out a knife and fork.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.

What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

Women can't take a joke!

Is that a mirror in your pocket?

'Cause I can see myself in your pants.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."