Relationship jokes
An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.
So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
His wife shut off the internet.
Why did my parents walk to the other side?
...Why?
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.
She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!
Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"
My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"
So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.
We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.
Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.
Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?
Your mam is gay.
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.