Relationship jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could suck Jill’s candy.

Jack got a shock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

Why don’t orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"

She pulls out a knife and fork.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.

I like strippers on me.

"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

Women can't take a joke!

Is that a mirror in your pocket?

'Cause I can see myself in your pants.

What’s the difference between rape and marriage?

With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

Why do gay men want to eat each other's meat because meat is meat, and man has to eat meat?

What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?

One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.

Life is like a penis.

Women make it hard.