Relationship jokes

My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.

That's a big word for a 6 year old!

I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.

Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.

Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.

What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?

"I'm sorry, I just had to."

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.

Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they have no one to call "daddy."