Relationship jokes
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.
Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.
Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
My sister: You were born ugly.
Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
It's not incest if you're adopted.
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"