Relationship jokes

What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.

Coworker: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Coworker: Not your parents.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do you call an orphan’s picture?

A family photo.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.

Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).