Relationship jokes

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.

Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite.

What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back...

What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

What do you call an orphan's family reunion?

Alone time.

Wife: I’m pregnant.

Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.

Wife: No, you’re not.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?