Relationship jokes
What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "Daddy!"
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back...
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
Wife: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion?
Alone time.
My sister: You were born ugly.
Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.