Relationship jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "Daddy!"

A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.

(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

What do you call an orphan’s picture?

A family photo.

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Coworker: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Coworker: Not your parents.