Relationship jokes

Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.

I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

What do you call an orphan’s picture?

A family photo.

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

Coworker: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Coworker: Not your parents.