Relationship jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.

A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back...

What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?

"I'm sorry, I just had to."

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.

(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite.

Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they have no one to call "daddy."

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.

If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

Gf: Just lying in bed.

Bf: Just lying in bed?

Gf: And eating cereal.

Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

Gf: Eat my cereal.

Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

Who makes the best anteaters?

Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)