Relationship jokes

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

What do you call an orphan's family reunion?

Alone time.

I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back...

What do you call an orphan’s picture?

A family photo.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "Daddy!"

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."