Relationship jokes

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.

When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.

The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.

Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.

The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

How do you get two deaf people from fighting?

Turn off the lights and walk out.

Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.

What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.