Relationship jokes
Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.
Are you a border? 'Cause I can't get over you.
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion?
Alone time.
Wife: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.