Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
Relationship Jokes
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?
A: A family portrait.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they won't find anybody to call "daddy."
Are you George Floyd?
'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!
My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.
Orphan: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
Why can’t orphans have sex?
'Cause they have no one to call daddy!
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?
They’re just two weeks to quit.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
