Relationship jokes

It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.

Like if you wanna have sex.

What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?

There are 20 of them.

What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?

There are twenty of them.

My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.

Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."

No, a lot's been through you.

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.

After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!

Orphan: *sits there sadly*

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!

Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.

Blood is red.

Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!

Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.

What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?

"Alcohol, you later!"

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭

Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!

My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄

Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.