Before: Caring & Noble.
After: Chernobyl.
Relationship Jokes
I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
Like if you wanna have sex.
Boy: Hey! I love you...
Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.
*boy sent a pic of his dic*
Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.
How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?
His dick tastes funny...
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
