Relationship jokes
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Memes
this one hurts
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.