Relationship jokes
Hey girl, are you a diamond pick?
'Cause I'm as hard as obsidian.
My wife still misses me... But her aim is getting better!
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because there is nobody to call "daddy."
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!
1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.
SHES FAT!!
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait!
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
Why can't an orphan go to a family reunion?
It has no family.
The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I'm gay because I like men.
What did the naked man say to the naked woman?
"Suck my dick."
Friend: Do you think she likes me?
Me: Yah.
Friend: Really😀😀😀?
Me: Hell no.
Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.
If her age is on the timer, I don't care if she's a minor.