Relationship jokes

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.

You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.

If an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A man will actually look for the golf ball.

I want a relationship.

*Masturbates*

I don't want a relationship.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!