Relationship jokes

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"

The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."

I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."

FUCK ME DADDY!!!!

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

Chat date for Tenya and Jordan.

There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

In 69, the 6 looks like someone facing up. The 9 looks like someone facing down.

69 looks like 2 people suck each other’s dick. That means, L7.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

What does an orphan call a family picture?

Answer: a selfie.

What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?

Go fuck yourselves!

What did the orphan say to his stepmom?

"I need help."

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

My dad is nice!

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.