Relationship jokes

I swear I always finish on page 3 when I'm looking at family pictures.

What is the worst part about siblings having sex?

Being left out.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don’t work out.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

My uncle is an alchemist.

He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.

I love telling jokes about orphans. I mean, what are they going to do about it? Tell their parents?

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.

Why can’t an orphan be gay?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

Yo mama so stupid, she raised you.

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

F in orphan means family.