Relationship jokes

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

Why do most orphans become prostitutes?...

'Cause they need to find someone to call DADDY.

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

What do orphans call a selfie?

A family photo.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

What is the worst part about siblings having sex?

Being left out.

My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑

You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

What's fat and wanks over his mom?

Guy Sheppard.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Your mom.

Fuck you you rwind my life.