Relationship jokes

What is the worst part about siblings having sex?

Being left out.

I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.

Like it’s my next meal.

Pickup line for gay people:

Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.

I swear I always finish on page 3 when I'm looking at family pictures.

All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

What's fat and wanks over his mom?

Guy Sheppard.

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!

You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Your mom.

Fuck you you rwind my life.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy, but in the end, Jack got a face full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

Funny things or weird things to say to someone.

Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.

It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!

Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.

Baby-Bugga-Boo.

Fuzzkins.

Lumpy.

Nilly.

Ninty Minty.

and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!

I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~